Going to the toilet whenever I want
Upstairs is basically off limits at nap time through fear of waking Ben. As for when he’s awake, the moment your cheeks hit the seat you’ll hear something getting knocked off the sideboard.
Not having to hide my snacks
This is something all kids have a radar for, I swear I gave birth to bloodhounds.
Sneezing without worrying where the nearest toilet is
Let’s not go into detail here.
Not having to say things like “don’t sit on your brother’s face” or “stop touching yourself, we have company”
Honestly I’m no longer surprised by the conversations I have.
Being able to use as much colourful language as I want
Kids don’t remember what you told them five seconds ago but they will always remember that naughty word you said. If you’re lucky they mishear you and saying “You clearly haven’t tidied, your floor is covered in crap” becomes “your floor is covered in crack.” Because that sounds better, right?